Several months ago, the Noble House of Chu decided that it needed a Wii. In this time of need, I turned to my most trusted and esteemed colleague and confidante dr_teng to procure one for us, knowing his previous and excellent record with online transactions. He kept a lookout for excellent deals for me, the same way he is good at finding those deals for the rest of Cosfu.

Finally, he hooked me up. Some guy on the SA forums apparently needed to make rent, and so he was selling his Wii, along with a bunch of other fun, covetable items. I Paypal'd the dude my money and I waited for my Wii.

One week passed, then two weeks. Then three. Still no Wii.

dr_teng and I started to question.

It was around this time that another thread popped up where that same seller was, again, in need of money. "PANIC AT ANIME EXPO" the thread title read, "Buy my Xbox Elite NOW." His friends had dropped out of his room and he NEEDED FUNDS FAST. $300, in fact, right away!!! (Exclamation points not my own.)

Another user bought his Xbox 360 from him - or rather, he sent over $300 for the Xbox, and then poof! The seller - or rather, Thomas Keely, as we'll call him, for that is his real name - did not even contact him back.

Everybody else started coming out of the woodwork. He was trying to run away with 11 people's money, amounting to a total of over $1000. Yes, ladies and gentleman, he had enough to buy himself a keyblade, with a cushy amount of pocket change left over.

Well, being the good e-detectives we are, we soon dug up a fair amount of info on him.

Check out the feedback on his eBay account. (now suspended).

We found his home phone number, his address, even his work number. We even discovered his aspirations to be a voice actor. Once all this information was dug up, the man himself finally came forth to make amends. If one could grovel pathetically like a little sissy of a man over the internet, I imagine it would look something like this.

maxwell1422000: I know it's beyond late to say I'm sorry..but it's better than not saying it at all.
maxwell1422000: I'm beyond a scumbag, beyond a douce
maxwell1422000: *douche
maxwell1422000: And I recognize that I'm a terrible person.

Little by little, his plan was revealed. After he had received our payments from us, he sold those very items that we had purchased to local buyers, so that he could garner double the moolah for his ANIME FEVER.

So, who is this otaku whose sad anime addiction drove him to theft?

Other than a terrible person, of course.

But one time, we break the cage, and then we GET "this" and everybody laugh! HIGH FIVE!

Here you can watch his incredibly deep opinions on Naruto.



But speaking of erections, let's take a look-see at what else we found on google, hmm?

Oh ho, what have we here:


So what kind of videos are these, exactly? Well if the title Cynful's Homemade Videos don't give you a clue, perhaps this link might:

A CYNFUL LINK

NSFW, obviously.

Here's an idea of what we're dealing with, here:

Lucious chins.

Delicious backne.

Beautiful face.

Click here for NSFW pic.
Oh, Thomas you rascal, what won't you do!

Obviously, this story has a happy and lulzy ending. Dear Thomas was banned from SA, his Paypal account was reported, and after multiple phone calls to his house and his place of business, he will probably think twice before he tries to scam anybody ever again! I got all my money back, went to Gamestop, and amazingly they had a Wii in stock.

We went Wii Wii Wii all the way home.

Now, this here is a tale of a scam that almost happened, but thankfully didn't. Unfortunately, there are thousands of people out there who have not been so lucky, who have already gotten scammed in similar shady dealings (especially for things like MOAR ANIME). The best way to protect yourself is knowledge, of course, so check out our Internet Safety Article (here) for tips and ways to be smart about your transactions. Stay safe, kiddies, and we'll see you later - same bat time, same bat station.